Whenever something nice starts happening, my expectations always try to ruin it. Thinking about how things aren't as we thought they would be, prevent us from appreciating how things are. Everything's just going to keep doing what it does whether we want it to or not, so it doesn't really make sense to get shitty when things don't conform to our will. We add the weight of expected outcomes to our actions as if we're able to control how the world will react to what we do. But the only thing you can control is you.
So much of what we experience is seasoned by how we think. Our language, our culture, and our relationship to ourselves all play a role in forming the compulsive opinions we have about the world.
Left unobserved, we gaslight ourselves into believing these opinions are reality. We build an image of how things ‘should’ be that sinks deeper and deeper into our minds. We pedestalise the idea of there being a right way and a wrong way to go about things. A best and a worst outcome. An expectation. Every flower blooming in a meadow is perfectly doing its thing the way it wants to, yet we select specific ones that meet our standard of beauty. Our expectation of what a flower ‘should’ look like. In a culture that sees correct and incorrect in all things, how could we not turn that hyper-critical gaze on ourselves?
We engage in things with a preconceived idea of what perfection looks like and begin to overheat if we can't immediately manifest it. Disrupting the natural flow of our actions by needlessly comparing ourselves to an expectation of ourselves. The resulting frustration is knowing what to do, but feeling like you just can't ‘do’ it.
Although I feel like that may be the wrong perspective, because it identifies you as the expectation, rather the one performing the action.
Our minds craft these ideas in a vacuum that can't account for how the winds of chaos will affect our actions as we let them fly. All we have control over is what our body does and the noises it makes, anything beyond that isn't up to us. Yet most of our actions have expectations baked into them that are dependent on things outside of our control. We make countless judgements a day on how to act, how to be, and what to say to guarantee that things go our way. We worry about how our life might be in an ever-changing future, instead of tending to our actions in the present. Worrying about what's beyond our control, instead of focusing on what's within it.
I think that we're inherently empathetic and compassionate beings; but we're trained to have an insatiable desire for more. This desire seeps into our bones and influences all the decisions that we make. The resulting mind is one that analyses all decisions based on the potential reward it will receive. ‘What do I get out of it?’ ‘Will this make me look good?’ Souring the sweetness of selfless acts with selfish reasons.
A difference can be felt when the act comes from a place of compassion, instead of ego. A certain shine transmitted by a mutual smile of unspoken shared existence. A hint at what it might all be about. We're going through the same thing as each other by being alive, so if it costs so little to help someone else on their path, why wouldn't we?
There's so much noise about how and where we ‘should’ be. About what a life ‘should’ look like. Ideas intended as guidelines on what to do become internalised as necessities. Causing anguish when our unique life understandably differs. Societal expectations shift over time as the culture they spawn from begins to mature and die. These are the ideas of a culture that wishes to keep itself alive. We are all flowers blooming in our own perfect ways, the only expectation should be compassion on cloudy days.
Loving your work!